This is a sketch I performed in October 2014 at Grumpy’s on
Washington in Minneapolis.
What actually happened to Phoebe and Holden Caulfield after
the carousel ride? I now present
“Newstyle Catcher in the Rye”
Holden :(wearing a red plaid hunters cap) Hey Pheebs, what
‘cha got in this freaking suitcase anyway?
I’m getting tired of dragging it around!
Phoebe: (wearing a pink knit cap) Oh, Holden It!
H: OMG, what did you just call me?
P: Oh, come on….like that’s not what you were doing in the
sleeping bag all night long….Holdin’ it!
H: Pheebs! Cut it out!
You can’t be talking like to your brother!
P: I can’t help it, I
enjoy saying what I please. Sometimes I
just open my mouth and words come out—I’m like an “Easy Speak Oven”
H: OMG, OMG---Phoebe Caulfield don’t you Ever, I mean Ever
say you are like an Easy Bake Oven---not to me, not to a boyfriend….and Never,
Never to Mom and Dad (ASIDE…If we ever show up back home again, that is)
(Phoebe, messing with her cell phone)
H: Oh god….get off that
stupid thing, Phoebe. You don’t wanna be
a phony do ya?
P: (Rolls eyes) Fuck
you!
H: Don’t you swear at
your brother!
Holden {Monologue} I don’t know why I brought her
along---Mom and Dad are gonna flip tits when they finally catch up with
us! I’ll probably spend some time in
Belview for this, who knows?
P: Holdup….can we
stop to eat? I’m hungry?
H: Holy Shit!
(putting his hands between his knees)
P: Oh, (giggles) do
we have to stop at a gas station first?
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